I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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