My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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