Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
