things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
