I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
