all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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