I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize