Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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