Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
