dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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