I molested 6 butterflies tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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