i think i have herpe
just one?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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