Already got asked if we're dating
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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