I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize