Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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