it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
