the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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