he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
