I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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