I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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