And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
