So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
