i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
