I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
