by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
