I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
