What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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