I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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