Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
