We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
be right there i have to get my cape
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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