so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
