whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
