Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You need Xanax blowdarts
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My feet surprised me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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