Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
