i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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