Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my shit smells like andre
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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