and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
