his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You dont lie about slip and slides
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
