I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
