So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
