no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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