Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize