went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've blown a few things in my day
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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