dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
