Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
