Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
