I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this will be a night to untag.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
