Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
