What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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