I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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