meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize