I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
