Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize