hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
