i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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