Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
