So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
