Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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