He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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