the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
