The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dick very happy bro
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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