that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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