they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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