I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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