This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
