definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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