Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
