you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
