i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
