If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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