And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
