We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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