where am i from again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
