what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
