So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
