you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dick very happy bro
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
